


The Darkness in Her Flame

by TSValing



Series: Light and Dark - Two Halves of a Whole [1]
Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Nil POV from Cause for Concern to Looming Shadow, Not really romance mostly a lot of introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 12:34:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19173373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSValing/pseuds/TSValing
Summary: Nil finds himself lost and confused after Aloy refuses to fight him. Seeking answers that only she has, he follows unseen until he finally understands where he belongs.





	The Darkness in Her Flame

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my preferred play through where I do Cause for Concern just before To Curse The Darkness. I personally like to imagine Nil following bits of Aloy's trail, listening to all the rumors people share about her, and still, somehow, never learning what her name is until he gets to Meridian.

“I won’t fight you. That’s my decision. You can respect it or try to shoot me in the back as I go.”

He didn’t know what hurt most – her rejection, or the thought he would kill her in such a dishonorable way. He wanted to fight - hunter against hunter. He wanted to see her in action one more time. He wanted to earn that kill, to know that he was the best, or die knowing that she was his better. He wouldn’t callously murder her in a fit of anger. She should know him better than that.

Shouldn’t she?

“Then it’s over…” he said as her barbed words dug deep into his heart, carving a bitter wound without even the decency of a scar to show for it. “Your last arrow is the cruelest.”

The Nora girl sighed as she turned away. He tried to ignore her as she went to loot the pockets of the bandits he found on top of the mesa, but he couldn’t help glancing at her as he hung his head. This would be the last time he saw her. He had been prepared to never see her again, but not like this, not with her walking away from the only thing he thought could sate the need burning in his blood.

It hurt… It hurt… More than any pain he had ever known.

She stood, looked at him, but pursed her lips as he forced his eyes away from her. Another sigh, then he dared to watch as she touched the trinket beside her ear, watched it light up as it always did when they hunted their shared quarry. It went dark and then she jogged off to a boulder where a strange metal flower had grown to one side. His curiosity was piqued when she took the flower and examined the odd petals. She pocketed the find and turned back to him with a brief glimpse of sadness in her eyes.

She shuttered it away in an instant and he turned his head from the glare she leveled on him.

“Nil…” she said - exasperated, annoyed, frustrated. He tilted his head up just enough to look at her glower as she approached. “Don’t give me that look…”

What look? What expression did he wear that made her return to him for one last word? Could she see the pain she inflicted on him?

“Look, I’m sorry if you’re… _disappointed_ by my decision, but you should know I can’t fight you. I have -”

“It’s true I offered you the choice,” he interrupted before she could make excuses, and then let his head hang low again. “But my heart is broken.”

One last sigh. A moment of hesitation. He knew well enough not to expect her to change her mind. She was not the sort to ever change her mind once it was made.

And he was not the sort to force her to change it.

The scrape of her boots on the rocky cliff was another cut into his heart. He watched her go to the edge, felt her arrow tug at his chest. And then she was gone.

And he was alone.

It hurt.

He had never felt so… _lonely_. He glanced at the corpses strewn around the fire and wondered what shards and trinkets she found. He glanced at the triangle of flowers that had grown around the metal bud she had picked and wondered why she took it. He looked toward the edge of the mesa and wondered where she went.

He went to sit by the fire, but couldn’t look at the flames without his wound aching. He stared at the corpses, but felt the ache grow and burrow deeper until he felt his stomach roll. He looked out to the Spearshafts, the red mesas towering over the green jungle, but a hollow weight settled in his chest. He looked off to the east, to the early morning sun, to the lands where they met…

It hurt.

She was everywhere. In the fiery glow that should warm him. In the crimson splash of blood. Even the mesas and jungles wore her colors – as red as her hair, as green as her eyes. They taunted him with what could have been.

What was he supposed to do now? There were no clans to hunt in the Sundom or within Nora-land. He might happen across an ambush party, but they never did more than whet his appetite, never soothed the restless tremor in his bones. No, this duel was supposed to satisfy him, give him a fight that he could savor for days…

If he had won.

He looked to the corpses and tried to imagine her there, her warm blood slowly pooling around her, that stubborn light refusing to leave her eyes. How many times had he imagined it? A battle like none other. Two ferocious predators striking with arrow and spear and knife. He knew she was quick, cunning, agile – far stronger than her lithe form would lead others to believe. She had a fire in her heart, a tenacity in her soul. She would not fall easily. She would claw at his flesh with her bare hands if he got the better of her. She would bite and tear his skin with her teeth like a rampaging sawtooth.

He could see her there, on the ground, flush and spent from a hard-fought battle, a vision he would savor for the rest of his life. She would be at her limit, but that light would remain in her eyes as he took his knife to send her into the peaceful, sweet embrace of death. She had walked so close to it for so long, and he would finally help her reach that end. Whatever ghosts she chased would no longer matter. She could have a well-earned rest.

He would finally find that piece of himself inside her, reflected back at him as her eyes clouded over. He knew it was there, that dark shadow she thought she could hide. She buried it well, but he could see it. He knew it was there when they first met. And he would be the one to draw it out in the end, before finally cutting it from the world.

And then what would he do? Then who would he fight? There were still no bandits left, and she would not be there to slake his thirst. Who would be his prey? Where would he go?

Maybe he would just hand himself over to Janeva, go back into his cage. He would turn his arrow on the wrong prey again, but if he was in a cage, the world wouldn’t have to fear a shadow walking among them.

_“… I see there might be a need for you in this world.”_

He didn’t understand her. The Sun-King desired peace, but he was a man of war. What need was there for a man like him in a peaceful world? He would be better off in a cage.

But…

He looked to the rappel point she threw herself from.

She was a conscientious person. She would not take his life without a reason. And she would not spare it without a reason. He liked that about her.

She was a _good_ person.

The wound on his ribs ached as he grudgingly hauled himself from the fire. He would think. He would wander. Maybe he would find an answer to what she meant. Maybe he would understand what need the world had for him.

* * *

 

Her trail was long cold when he found a tame charger grazing near the falls. He had passed a tame sawtooth hours earlier, and he knew the machines she rode could carry her farther and faster than he could travel on foot. Still, he was curious where she went, so he found the handholds for the climbing path and began his ascent to Evening’s Sign.

He kept his head down as he slipped by the Shadow Carja stationed at the gate. He knew the Nora girl was hunting the Eclipse, so it was only a matter of time before she landed in the exiles’ territory. The road leading through that gate from Brightmarket went into rough, unsettled jungles. He followed it, looking for some sign of her, or her prey.

Explosions in the distance urged him to run.

Dawn was still a few hours away when he reached the source of the commotion, or what was left of it, but the Nora was nowhere to be found. Smoke rose from the top of a waterfall, and Eclipse troopers scoured through the trees and tall grass around the stream at the base.

“Search everywhere,” a man hollered. “I want her body found. Whatever is left of it.”

Nil pushed down a shiver at the voice as he spied through the shadows to see Helis ordering his men to fan out over the area.

“What if she was washed downstream?” an incompetent soldier dared to ask. He was snatched by the collar and hauled into his commander’s seething face.

“Then search further downstream.”

“But that fall had to have killed her…” the soldier said and was roughly shaken for daring to presume his commander could be wrong.

He was lucky Helis didn’t gut him right there for it, but he must be too desperate to find his Nora foe to waste a soldier’s life.

“She didn’t die on that mountain, even after we blew it up. She has carved her way through the Savage East, into the Sundom, interfering with our digs every time she stumbled upon them, and now she has destroyed our communication network. I will not underestimate her ability to survive again. I want her head. It is the only way we can be certain the threat is eliminated. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

So, the Nora managed to sabotage something important to her quarry, and successfully fled from the entire army. He wasn’t surprised, but he was still impressed.

_“You know, Nil, if you get tired of bandits, there’s a group called the Eclipse…”_

He almost wished he could take up her suggestion, but the situation was too volatile. He would always be a soldier, he knew that. But it wasn’t a soldier’s place to provoke a war. If he took up her cause, no matter how righteous it may be, he would be crossing the line drawn by the ceasefire. The Carja in shadow were still Carja, still of his tribe. They were soldiers following orders, or soldiers too taken up by the cause they thought to be the sun’s blessing, soldiers who bought the pretty words from their priests’ lips. How could he be certain that every one of them was in the wrong? How could he be certain which side was good, and which was evil?

_“They’re murderers and they’re raising an army of machines! That’s a little more than **politics**.”_

His wound ached.

She was probably right, but he couldn’t ignore the law, couldn’t ignore his king’s command. The Carja were to hold their ground, but not provoke the enemy.

“That filthy savage,” he heard Helis mutter as he separated from his men. He was furious, blind to the danger lurking in the shadow. Oh, how sweet it would be to slip his knife between his ribs. That was a death he would savor far more than the Nora’s.

A death that would not feel like a bittersweet farewell.

“How has she evaded us?” Helis continued to curse. “Does the Sun not shine upon me? Am I not it's champion? I had her in my grasp. My knife at her throat. One twist… One twist was all it should have taken.”

Nil stifled a growl. There was a scar on her neck. He never asked about it, but he knew it was what drove her from the Nora’s Embrace, like an arrow loosed from a bow, tearing through all that stood in her way.

It was what sent her down a path that crossed with his.

Helis stared at his knife in thought, and then took a deep breath, shutting his eyes as he relaxed.

“No… This is how it is meant to be. This is the Sun’s will. She was not a worthy sacrifice then, no matter what the Sun desired. This is a test, one that will make her worthy.” Helis sighed, a moan lacing the sound. “When we capture her… and we _will_ capture her… I will offer her to the Sun as a proper tribute. She will burn in the Sun-Ring for all she has done.”

Nil’s hands itched for a bow as he watched Helis turn back to his men. He could kill him there. One arrow, straight through the heart, and no one would stand in the Nora’s way.

She did not deserve to have her death wasted on a cult of zealots. She deserved an honorable end, a battle between hunters, with an opponent who respected her. With her war over, her nemesis’s corpse before her, would she consider his request? With nothing else to fight for, would she finally fight him?

_“I don’t want to kill you…”_

No, her decision was made before he even asked her. She would refuse him again, and this time vanish into the east, back to her people. She would hunt her machines, content with only that much, and he would continue to wander in search of worthy prey.

Besides, he could not take this kill from her. She had fought for too long to have him end it with a single arrow. She wasn’t even there to witness it, to savor it as Helis lay bleeding before her. She deserved to bring his death by her spear and no other. He would not sully her efforts by stealing it all away.

But maybe…

His hand drew away from his bow as he watched Helis give orders to another officer. He spoke at a hush so Nil couldn’t overhear, but the champion had made a decision. Perhaps he could use another soldier, a kestrel no other could match, one with knowledge of the Nora he sought. Would Helis even humor it? No, he would rather toss him into the Sun-Ring for defecting, but in his desperate search for this Nora, he may consider using him if he could prove his value. He could track her, give her that honorable death she rightly deserved…

And be tossed into the Sun-Ring to take her place.

_“I don’t want to kill you…”_

He dug his knuckles into his chest when the wound she left flared. It was a searing pain, a blazefire in his heart. His ears rang, but it wasn’t the same.

If he took on the armor of her enemy, how would she look at him then?

She wouldn’t. He would just be another kestrel, another soldier, another body in her way, just like all the rest. She would kill him and never know it was him… Not until she rifled through his pockets for a few spare shards. How disappointed she would be when she realized he had fallen to her without a true fight.

Or maybe she would be more disappointed that he tried to force her hand with such a pathetic ploy.

And if he killed her first? What would she think then? He would have proven her right. He would have betrayed her decision. Even if he faced her head on, it was no better than shooting her in the back atop that mesa. She didn’t see him as her enemy. She didn’t want him to be her enemy. As cruel as her words had struck him, to disrespect her wishes would be far more callous.

They had been through too much together, fought side by side against bandits, moving through the shadows with the grace of two stalkers. How could he even think to betray her trust after all of that?

A prick of shame. A shard of regret.

She was right to refuse him. She was a good person, after all. If she wasn’t, then she would not hesitate to fight him. She would have taken his life without a second thought, and then walked away without a single regret.

So, what did that make him?

He thought he was an honest killer. He had rules. He didn’t kill good people. He didn’t kill anyone who wouldn’t kill him. And yet here he was considering, no matter how briefly, joining up with a man who was no better than a butcher, all for a fleeting chance to end the life of a person he liked?

A good person. A conscientious person. A person who saw something in him that he could not find.

Revulsion surged through his gut as he imagined her dying before him, her blood dripping from his knife. The hurt. The betrayal. That wasn’t what he wanted to see in her eyes. That wasn’t how he wanted it to end.

A good person. A caring person. She killed only for the greater good. She loved the hunt, loved the challenge, but she never allowed herself to enjoy all the bloodshed. She only enjoyed carving out a pit of villainous scum so that she could leave something better behind for those who wished to live an honest life.

And he would murder her? All because she didn’t want to kill him?

He nearly retched as he pictured her ashen face and empty eyes. Death had never sickened him, not even as a boy. It was what made him a good soldier. It was what made the priests overlook every roll of his eyes as they dressed up their butchery with flowery words, denying their lust for blood by claiming it was only the righteous will of the Sun. He was a good soldier, he followed orders, and he killed because he enjoyed the challenge of every fight to the death he was thrust in to.

But he wasn’t a murderer. Not anymore.

_“I don’t want to kill you…”_

Why not? He was disposable to everyone else. He was a soldier with just as much blood on his hands as the cult she hunted. She should want to see him dead, but she valued his life as if it actually meant something.

_“There might be a need for you in this world…”_

What need? What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t be a soldier anymore. He couldn’t wait for a war that might never come. He couldn’t pick a side with the same careless glee he once had. If he picked a side, it had to be the right one.

His mind spun as more thoughts assailed him. Too many doubts. Too many questions. Too many emotions. It shouldn’t be this complicated. It shouldn’t be this confusing.

He killed bandits. But there weren’t any bandits left.

He couldn’t kill the Nora girl. And if he did, he would be back where he started, with no more prey to be had, and no Nora partner to look forward to seeing on the road again.

No killing.

No partner.

_Ah… I feel lonely._

He was wrong to think the fleeting joy to be had in a duel would be enough to sate him. What would he do if another clan found the courage to cross the border? He liked hunting with his partner. He liked having her nearby, feeling the heat of her back against his as they faced their enemies head on, trusting she would slay any who got too close to him, just as she trusted him to do the same for her. They moved so well together. He had never felt more alive than when he could hunt with her at his side. That was why he waited. That was why he hoped to see her splash of red on the horizon, like dawn’s bloody spear. He couldn’t hunt without her.

He didn’t want to hunt without her.

He swallowed down his resignation and slipped through the shadows to the east just as the first fiery rays of dawn drenched the mesas in a crimson glow.

* * *

 

He lingered around Brightmarket for over a week. It was the longest he spent near a settlement since he was released from Sunstone Rock. He had only stopped to trade with a merchant, intended to trade scrap parts from a couple of watchers that got in his way, but found himself unable to leave when he heard a merchant woman and some filthy refugee talking about a Nora girl.

He learned the refugee had stolen from the woman’s fruit stall. The merchant asked the Nora known for her second sight to track down whoever stole her wares. Other hunters would have captured the man, or killed him, to collect a bounty, but the Nora saved him from a flock of glinthawks and then sent him back to the market to apologize – where the merchant offered him a job to earn his food, rather than steal it.

His wound ached.

Then he heard a noble girl talking with her friends about the Nora who saved her from a snapmaw and tried to save the man she loved.

A man who went west. A Carja in shadow.

He had died, beaten and tortured by his brothers-in-arms for a betrayal he never admitted to. The Nora returned with the devastating news, and convinced the girl to live, to fight for the soldiers like the one she loved, to speak for those who could not speak for themselves.

She convinced her that life was still worth living. That her life was still worth something.

His wound ached.

He had a hearty laugh when he heard an Oseram spreading rumors about the fearsome Nora with her special spear. The Oseram was terrified of her – rightly so – and was warning any who might think to cross her. He cornered the man to learn the whole story, not the fables he spread of a bloodthirsty, territorial savage girl, and felt a quiver of excitement when he heard that she slew the mercenaries sent after her and tracked the Oseram back to Meridian, only to spare his life with a warning Nil knew should be heeded.

He idly wondered if the Oseram pissed himself when the girl found him.

He certainly stained his trousers when he realized it was the Carja’s most feared shadow that stood before him.

He stayed around Brightmarket and Meridian to hear more tales of the famous Nora girl with hair as bright as their beloved Sun. He knew most of the rumors, had heard them whispered by mesa guards as he traveled through the wilds, but there were some he hadn’t heard that only made his fondness for her grow.

As did the ache of his wound.

The Nora was a good person. She was a beloved person. And he had thought to take that light away from the world, just to prove that there was a shadow buried inside her, a shadow so much like his. She had left her Sacred Lands on a hunt far greater than his search for bandit clans, she was fighting a war bigger than any skirmish or raid he had fought during the height of Jiran’s madness or during the Liberation that brought those days to an end, and she was fighting it alone.

All while taking the time to help others she met along the way.

She was a good person. No matter how much blood stained her hands, no matter how vicious she could be in battle, no matter how adept she was as a hunter of all kind of prey, no matter how dark a shadow she kept buried in her heart – she was a good person.

She was a person a man like him would do well to follow.

His mind was already made up when a commotion at the docks drew his attention. He ducked into the shadows of a warehouse to watch as members of Avad’s personal guard marched up to the market, escorting Blameless Marad all the way to the docks.

Nil looked out to the water as Marad patiently waited. He spotted a boat chugging along through the water with a shrouded figure hunkered down between guards. One of Marad’s spies? Or something bigger?

The sun was falling behind the western horizon just as the boat reached the docks. Nil peered through the growing shadows as the passenger shrugged off the shawl that hid him from enemy eyes, and felt his breath catch at the old soldier he hadn’t expected to see.

_Uthid defected?_ he wondered to himself. _Is the situation that critical in Sunfall?_

He slipped closer to hear the men talk.

“Uthid,” Marad greeted. The old commander stood tall and saluted, pulling a chuckle from the advisor. “At ease… _for now_. Sun-King Avad is eager to see you. We are grateful that you chose to return to Meridian.”

“The Nora girl is to thank for that… As is your spy, Vanasha,” Uthid said.

_She convinced Uthid to defect?_  Nil sat in shock at the news. He shouldn’t be surprised, and yet he was stunned, none-the-less.

“She has done much for the Sundom,” Marad said before turning to the guards hovering at the edge of the dock by their boat. “Hurry now, you two. We are expecting one more gift from Sunfall, and Vanasha will not be happy if you are late.”

The guards hurried to follow orders. Marad waved for Uthid to follow him into the market.

“The Nora will be helping with that,” Uthid idly mentioned.

Marad grinned. “Then His Radiance will have a pleasant surprise when he arrives to greet his little brother.”

Nil’s shock only deepened at the news. The Nora was in Sunfall, in the heart of Shadow Carja territory, and she was causing a huge upheaval. Or helping cause, as it seemed Marad had been waiting for this opportunity for some time.

Uthid had defected. Itamen was on his way home. The Shadow Carja had lost one of their best soldiers. They were about to lose their figurehead – a young boy who was only a puppet for the priests. His rule was nothing more than the whispers of Helis and the priests in his ear, words repeated with no true understanding of the bloodshed his people craved.

And the Nora had been the spark Marad needed to make it all happen.

He stayed through nightfall to watch the king’s guards filter into the small settlement, securing the road and market for the king’s eventual arrival. He watched the procession make its way through the sleepy village, only a few awake at the early hour to catch a peek of their king. He watched as the boat reached the dock, the young Itamen and his mother on board, well-guarded by Carja and a single Nora girl.

He kept his distance so as not to alarm Avad’s guards. He couldn’t hear their conversation, but he knew the moment Avad realized the Nora was there.

Their Sun-King bowed his head toward the girl, the gesture one of gratitude. For a normal person, it would not be so strange to see, but this was their infallible king, lowering his head, no matter how slightly, to a Nora girl from the savage east.

Respect. Allegiance. Kindness. Adoration. All things the Nora had earned in her time out west.

And he was going to sully that by making her indulge his wish for a duel, a fleeting pleasure that served no purpose other than to sate his bloodlust.

His wound ached.

He held back when she was left alone in the market, uncertain what to do, how to approach. Until Sun-King Avad declared the ceasefire over and sent his army to take back the Citadel from the exiles, he could not move freely. He was bound by the law, as he should be, but he would wait and watch and see what the Nora did next.

* * *

 

The Nora had gone back west to Sunfall. He tracked her as far as Cut-Cliffs before she found a new mount and rushed off faster than he could keep up.

He would not give up his hunt for answers so easily. He wanted to know what need there was for a man like him, and she was the only one who knew what that could be. He would follow her to the ends of the Earth until he understood why she didn’t want to kill him. He had wanted to kill her. She should at least resent him enough to long for his death.

He decided to head for the settlement they last cleaned out together. It was near Shadow Carja territory, so he might hear word of her there.

He hadn’t needed to go that far to find her.

He saw her from a distance, a cloud of crimson dust in her wake as she sprinted east, away from Sunfall. He could hear the snap of her voice, spurring the strider to gallop faster than he had ever seen one run before. There was stress in her voice. Fear. Determination. She was racing _toward_ something. Not away.

He followed.

There would be no keeping up with her, but the ache on his ribs tugged him east, back over the border into Nora Land. He heard the guards at Daytower talk of another attack. Smoke rising from a Nora watchtower. The Embrace on fire.

He found a small band of Eclipse soldiers in the ruins east of the river. They were going to send word back to Helis and their commanders, rally reinforcements. The Nora girl they hunted had returned, had destroyed one of their deathbringers, a few of their corrupters, and carved her way through two villages to reach the mountain at the heart of the Nora’s faith.

She had broken a siege on her people. _Alone_.

“I know Helis wants her dead, but after this, he should make her a slave. Make her watch as we slaughter the last of the savages, and then torture her until she begs for death,” one of the soldiers growled. He was wounded, limping pathetically through the ruins with the others who were in no better shape.

One of the soldiers laughed. “She is a savage, after all. They’re all better off dead or in cages.”

She wasn’t meant to be in a cage. She was a woman of the wilds, boundless and free. She would tear the door off any cage. She would strangle her captors with the chains they shackled her in.

But if they succeeded, if they broke her…

Nil moved without thinking. He didn’t realize what he had done until his knife was to the soldier’s throat and he heard the man rasp “ _You!_ ” just before his life’s blood splashed on the ground before him.

War had returned, and he knew what side he wanted to be on.

The right side.

_Her_ side.

* * *

 

He headed for Meridian when he heard the Nora braves call for volunteers to go west. The _Anointed_ required their aid for a great battle against a metal devil. The daughter of the mountain, their Goddess, the savior of their people, needed them to end a curse and bring balance to the world once more.

He suspected who this Anointed was, found it endlessly amusing that her people had given her such a title. She may now be equal to their Sun-King in status. Avad was the Sun-God’s chosen vessel according to their priests. The Nora girl was the Goddess’s daughter, a blessing to her people, to all people.

She never struck him as the type to desire such worship and reverence. Maybe that was why she hadn’t joined the war party going to Meridian.

As he traveled back west, he got to hear more tales of his partner’s deeds. He thought he knew what she was capable of, but he was starting to realize that he might have underestimated her. She was relentless, vicious, and nothing would stand in her way – not even a corrupted behemoth.

He was in the Gatelands when he heard news from Meridian – a call to arms from their king. Demonic machines and a fanatic cult were preparing to attack. The odds of victory were slim to none. A war unlike any he had seen.

Excitement surged through him, dulled the ache of his wound. He hurried for Meridian, for the battle she needed him for.

The guards were understandably wary when they saw him enter the city. He had avoided the heart of their capital since he gave the king his confession and willingly went to Sunstone Rock to atone for his crimes. He ignored their whispers, their uneasy looks, and made his way to the palace. The guards stopped him before he could step foot on the carved stone of the palace’s steps.

“State your business, _Outlander_ ,” the palace guard ordered, stressing his current status so he would not forget his place.

“I heard there’s a war coming. I’m here to join the city’s defenses.”

The guards shared a look, then nodded at another guard who rushed up the palace stairs. He waited patiently for him to return, Blameless Marad casually strolling behind with that strangely knowing smile.

“Ah, well, isn’t this a surprise,” Marad said.

It was not a surprise at all to him, but Nil held that knowledge back.

“May I ask what drew you? The shards or the glory or just the chance to bloody your hands again?” Marad asked.

Nil smiled. “I came for a Nora girl. Hair like a splash of blood. Tenacious as a scrapper’s jaws.”

Marad’s knowing smile fell away and his brows raised in mild surprise. It seemed he did not know as much about him as he thought. “Aloy?”

An odd feeling fluttered in his chest. _Aloy. Her name is Aloy._

“Yes, well,” Marad said, brushing off his shock and stopping Nil from thinking too hard about why knowing her name felt so important to him. “We have been informed that while Meridian is in danger, the Spire is the main target to be protected. A Nora war party has gone to protect the Spire, along with our Vanguard, but the ridge has need of extra defense. If you are willing to take a position on the front line, of course.”

Willing to take a position on the front line? As if there was anywhere else he would rather be.

“I’ll head down to the gate, then,” Nil said, sparing Marad a half-hearted salute as he turned away. Excitement flickered through his veins, sent his ears buzzing as his fingers itched for his bow.

“Aloy will likely tour the defenses once she is done attending the Sun-King,” Marad called after him.

His wound ached, but it was a sweet reminder of the reason he was there. He clung tight to the pain, relished it, and headed down to the ridge to report for duty.

* * *

 

He heard her greet the Nora boy first and strained against the urge to call her down to the river. His heart raced, beat at his ribs. The pulse rushing through his ears was as hard and fast and loud as the drums in the Sun-Ring.

He thought it was only excitement for the battle ahead, but the electric tremor in his fingertips as he listened to her talk to Uthid and Vanasha made him wonder if it was something more.

A couple of guards approached the river as she greeted Janeva and some Nora girl on the battlement behind him. He ignored the guards as his fingers tingled at the sound of her voice. So close, and yet still so far away.

Soon his patience would be rewarded.

She jumped down from the battlement just as one of the guards whispered, “Isn’t that… _him_? From the battle of the Daunt?”

Her steps halted in the grass as the guards continued to talk.

“Can’t be. Cinnabar Sands was before that, and there were no survivors.”

Oh, such cherished memories. He couldn’t resist chiming in, if only to get under their skins…

And maybe draw her attention.

“Well, I don’t like to boast.”

“O Sun, keep the shadow from falling upon me,” the guard whispered, but Nil only cared about her footsteps as they hurried toward him.

He turned just in time to see her eyes wide with surprise, maybe a little awe. Was that even happiness? Was she actually glad to see him?

“…Nil?”

The way she said his name - the name he chose after he killed the man he had been - it was as if she wasn’t sure it was him, wasn’t sure if her eyes had betrayed her, wasn’t sure if he was just a figment of her imagination, conjured in some hope he would be there.

Okay, the last part might have just been wishful thinking on his part, but he liked to think that she was glad to see him.

Just as he was glad to see her.

“Aloy…”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I had to get this more introspective piece out of my head. I'm working on some extremely self-indulgent Niloy smut that is a sequel to Embrace the Sun, and I'm writing, and rewriting, and rewriting again, a slow burn multi-chapter story for them. This piece is essentially a prequel to that multi-chapter, pulling in a few of Nil's thoughts that are going to have to be addressed in that fic because... uhhh... I fought Nil a couple of times to hear all that he says to Aloy, and even let him kill her a few times to hear what he says when she dies, and, while everything he says can definitely be taken in a sexual way (and I'm taking all that into account for the smut), he did seem pretty set on killing her at that time (because he's an idiot who can't quite seem to understand that he has a crush on her). But, yeah, in the meantime I had to share this thought piece.
> 
> Also, if anyone wants a good inspiration song for Niloy: Infrared by Three Days Grace. It is perfectly fitting any time I need to get into Nil's head.


End file.
